Physical pain becomes second nature
once it crosses a limit. You just learn to live with it, it becomes
like overgrown fingernails, they don't hamper your capability to work
much but their presence is a mild irritant in the back of your mind.
Pain has been my constant companion for
me since the time I can remember. It was physiotherapy and other such
assorted treatments from a very young age, the excuse being 'don't
you wish to be ok?' 'walk?' 'run?' 'play cricket?' etc. At other
times it was ridicule, the louder I cried the vicious the ridicule. I
can't say how much such treatments helped me physically but, it
surely helped me in braving the pain silently and learning to ignore
it all together. I became detached from my body so to speak (this
isn't a high funda thing as it sounds but a practical thing that
happens naturally, so, now I feel that my b***t has gone numb still I
can go on typing this without much fuss).
Heartache or emotional hurt is a
different matter. You can read lots of self-help and how-to books or
follow any spiritual guru, but, when it comes you're left to your own
devices. There is/was (I'm not sure) a streak of depression in me
that would take me brink often, it could be anything, sometimes
something that may seem absolutely silly.
In the last few days there were couple
of instances that I feared (they weren't silly for me, not even in
hindsight) would take me to the brink or at least it would take me a
few days to be back to normal. But, to my surprise I was back to
normal in just a few hours on both the occasions. And, to top it up I
can think of those incidents without any uneasiness. I have also
thought about how my brain was working during those hours to see if
there was any peculiar pattern that was followed.
I'm getting a few answers from this
process. The best of them maybe that my heart too learning to endure
pain without hampering my capability to work, otherwise I couldn't
have written this post.
